I felt like a hypocrite a fraud, a fake.
When did I 'figure it out'?
What was there to figure out? I asked myself...and then I just started to live.
I had had enough of my sadness and melancholy to last 20 lifetimes. So I decided to embrace the journey right then and there.
It was a weekend without my boys and I chose to confront everything I thought may have been making me feel the way I did, and I did it all from my bed.
I put each item each thought, if you will, before me in physical form at the foot of my bed. Then I shared my memories, my tears and laughter with each of them out loud.
Then I forgave.
After that, I literally threw them each out my 3rd story window, and the embracing of a new life landscape started to revel itself.
I felt lighter & more at peace in that moment than at any other time in my life up to that point.
It didn't last of course, because growth is painful and I had 36 years of conditioned behaviour to learn from.
But grow I did.
I finally had realized what the word CHOICE meant to me.
...and then my wings began to unfurl