You know the saying "Life is about the journey, not the destination"? Well I've always believed that, but had been living my life in opposition to its essential meaning up to that moment in time.
I felt like a hypocrite a fraud, a fake.
When did I 'figure it out'?
What was there to figure out? I asked myself...and then I just started to live.
I was 36 years old & I was done.
I had had enough of my sadness and melancholy to last 20 lifetimes. So I decided to embrace the journey right then and there.
It was a weekend without my boys and I chose to confront everything I thought may have been making me feel the way I did, and I did it all from my bed.
I put each item each thought, if you will, before me in physical form at the foot of my bed. Then I shared my memories, my tears and laughter with each of them out loud.
Then I forgave.
After that, I literally threw them each out my 3rd story window, and the embracing of a new life landscape started to revel itself.
I felt lighter & more at peace in that moment than at any other time in my life up to that point.
It didn't last of course, because growth is painful and I had 36 years of conditioned behaviour to learn from.
But grow I did.
I finally had realized what the word CHOICE meant to me.
...and then my wings began to unfurl